Life Lessons

Christian Parenting Matters

Let me start by stating that I am not a parent. My wife and I tried to have children for years, but when it became an issue with her health and her ability to survive actual child birth, we let it go — it was not in God’s plans for us, and we live a very fulfilled life today — no sympathy needed, please.

This probably leads you to a natural question, why am I writing about parenting?

Recently a few of our friends have been having issues with their pre-teen and teenage children — I want to be clear, I do not give our friends advice on how to parent, it is a personal choice of mine.

To me, it is kind of like someone that has never played golf telling you — “Why don’t you just hit the ball straight?” — great advice, that is what I have been trying to do consistently for years!

While I do not give them advice — I listen, I ask questions, and I let them know that I am praying for them and their situation — it has also caused me to reflect on how I was raised.

Isaiah 54:13 NIV - “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.”

My brother and I were raised by strong Christian parents, deeply rooted in faith, and our upbringing consisted of the following:

• An understanding of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, including what faith means, and Church attendance…

• Chores, rules, and consequences…

• Most importantly, love from our parents…

Do not let that last bullet confuse you — they loved us very much and still do — but when you messed up there were consequences.

The vast majority of my childhood and into my early teenage years I simply followed their rules. It just seemed to be the path of least resistance and I had the benefit of an older brother who naturally challenged authority. That made it easier to fly under the radar, living behind the veil of the “good child” — as I watched his actions suffer those consequences — thanks for the “air cover” big brother, love you!

That all changed at sixteen years old when I got fired from my first job.

I worked at a car wash that also had a towing business and would repossess cars. One day they brought in a car with tons of after-market electronics — radio, speakers, amps, and a radar detector.

The guys at the car wash said that we could take what we wanted — the car was repossessed, would be sold at auction, and that would not include all those “extra” upgrades — I took the radar detector, knowing the entire time it was wrong.

Long story short, the owner found out and when I brought it back he fired me on the spot— I had only worked there a few weeks and I deserved it — not only was it wrong, I had stolen and committed a sin before Christ.

Romans 3:23 NIV - “ For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

To this day I remember telling my Dad what I had done and his initial reaction was appropriate for parenting in the 1990’s — then he said these words — “Son, I provide everything your mother, your brother, and you need. Why would you steal anything?”

I will never forget the look on his face — total and utter disappointment — just how I felt at that moment would have been enough punishment but there were consequences in my parents house and I was completely grounded for a month, maybe more:

• No phone calls, no hanging out with friends, no parties, no sports…

• No driving privileges — crushing for a sixteen year old…

• No rides to school either — I had to take the bus — humbling…

• Find another job immediately — and they would take me to that job and pick me up — as long as I was grounded…

Lesson learned at sixteen, I have never taken anything that did not belong to me again.

Exodus 20:15 NKJV - “ You shall not steal.”

I was scared straight, never to do anything wrong again. Yeah, right, while I learned that lesson it did not change the grip of the enemy on my life. I continued to live the way of the world and make poor choices — each time my Dad and Mom were there to pick me up, comfort me, and discipline me — consequences for every action.

Proverbs 13:24 NKJV - “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”

As I close, I will leave you with this thought — I am fifty-one years old and still have this vivid recollection of the consequences of my actions at sixteen years old.

When I talked to my Mom about this memory she shared with me that several weeks into that punishment I broke down in tears at the dinner table — ashamed, embarrassed, and remorseful — being such a compassionate person she asked my Dad to lift the punishment but he responded “no” I needed to learn my lesson — that is parenting.

Hebrews 12:11 NIV - “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Thank you Dad and Mom, for how you raised me — never wavering from right and wrong, and teaching me about unconditional love, the love that Jesus has for all that are willing to ask Him into their life and follow Him — no matter the mess they have made of their life.

Stay strong in your faith….always.